working girl

the rumors are true! I’m a working girl now!

though unlike Melanie I ditched the shoulder pads and 80's hair in favor of a demure low ponytail and J.Crew cardigan also I don't work with Harrison Ford

I just completed my first day as office/personal assistant extraordinaire!
This mostly involved a lot of wide-eyed nods and sitting awkwardly at my computer pretending to do something because no one has told me what to do and now they’ve all left the office and every form i’m supposed to sort looks exactly the same. Luckily, there was gchat to keep me company and I received some invaluable personal assistant advice from fellow PA and long distance friend extraordinaire Miss Holly Hereth who told me to “poke around and see what looks chaotic and make a list of what you think could use some help that way if anyone walks in while you’re on your computer you can say, “oh i was just making a list of things that i could organize.” I had already done this (turns out typing the phrase “everything in this office needs to be organized” onto a desktop sticky note takes about 5 seconds) but later when my boss walked in and said “are you busy or can I give you something to do?” I said “Oh that would be great, I just finished making a list of all the things that need to be organized.” He seemed very impressed by this. Thanks Hols!

In addition to providing invaluable advice, Holly also shared her favorite PA story that literally made me laugh out loud at my desk (and by desk I mean conference table because I don’t actually have a desk yet) which I then tried to cover it up unsuccessfully by turning it into a cough. (I’m warning you about the language beforehand but you should also know that I think a well placed cuss word when used in moderation can be absolutely hilarious- plus I didn’t say it, Lauren Bacall did and as far as i’m concerned she can do what she wants.)

holly: My friend knows a girl named Amanda who lives  in New York and is the personal assistant for Lauren Bacall, who used to be married to Humphrey Bogart before he died. anyways, Lauren is in her 80’s
me: Right, she does the commercials for Tuesday Morning!
holly: yes! Lauren was hosting friends for the holidays last Christmas and asked Amanda (the PA) to put a sweater on her yippy little dog because it was getting chilly. so Amanda is trying to finagle the dog into a sweater and is really struggling when Lauren who is in mid-coversation, smoking a cigarette from a long filter (exactly what i hope to doing when i’m 80. or 28.) looks over at Amanda and sighs loudly then says to the guests she is talking to, “pardon me dears, it appears that Amanda needs a fucking diagram to put a sweater of a dog.” the end.

Best thing you’ve heard all day, right? I know.

Thankfully, I experienced nothing of the like on my first day and the people I work with couldn’t be nicer and were so patient with all my questions and blank stares. But this 9-5 lifestyle is definitely a change of pace and i’m completely exhausted which may explain why my dinner consists of a glass of red wine and applesauce i’m eating straight out of the jar. Time to relax by cheering on the East Dillon Lions before it’s back to the grind tomorrow!
Ah, the glamorous life of a working girl!